My Grief Journal

Dear Dad, Today was not a good day. Feels like I ripped off a band-aid from something that wasn't done healing and poured lemon juice all over it. I got some things out of the way but I just want to crawl into a hole and pretend to be dead right now. It's not a feeling I enjoy. I'm so fucking mad at Ali with this whole Stewie situation. She has no fucking idea how to be on her own and she won't leave someone unless she has someone else lined up right after. It's pathetic. I know you wouldn't approve of this, even if you really liked Stewie. I don't even want to see him because of this, Ali fucks everything up and this is just history repeating itself. I want to scream at her. She gave Danielle so much shit over how much you loved Randy, now she's being an absolute fucking hypocrite. I kind of just want to push her into a very cold, very dirty body of water and slap some sense into her. You're more than welcome to bug her about it too. I just don...

Dear Dad, Today was weird. We never really talked about what you believe when it comes to what happens after. You called Uncle Gil an angel so I hope you've found Heaven somehow. I'm still so very angry about what happened to you. You wanted so much to live. So much was left up in the air and I hope we can keep some of your stuff. I love your TV. It's great with my PS4 and I think you'd enjoy it. Earlier, after Ali gave me your message, I think I felt you. It felt like a hug. I wish I'd hugged you more often. I wish I wasn't so damn anxious and went out more so I could have visited more. I'm so sorry I didn't. I want to try and hear you. Ali seems to think I can. I'm still pretty skeptical but what can it hurt to try, right? I miss you, Daddy. I love you so much. I have a hard time accepting what Ali told me but I'm trying. I just don't want to cling. I'll keep talking to you. I still want you around me. Love you forever, Chrissy...