April 23, 2019

Dear Dad,

Today was not a good day. Feels like I ripped off a band-aid from something that wasn't done healing and poured lemon juice all over it. I got some things out of the way but I just want to crawl into a hole and pretend to be dead right now. It's not a feeling I enjoy.

I'm so fucking mad at Ali with this whole Stewie situation. She has no fucking idea how to be on her own and she won't leave someone unless she has someone else lined up right after. It's pathetic. I know you wouldn't approve of this, even if you really liked Stewie. I don't even want to see him because of this, Ali fucks everything up and this is just history repeating itself. I want to scream at her. She gave Danielle so much shit over how much you loved Randy, now she's being an absolute fucking hypocrite.

I kind of just want to push her into a very cold, very dirty body of water and slap some sense into her. You're more than welcome to bug her about it too.

I just don't know what to do. I've been trying to reach out to you and listen. Sometimes I think I feel something but I don't know if I'm imagining things. I'm even wondering if this anger I feel towards Ali is coming from you. It's almost irrational how pissed off I am over this.

I miss you, Daddykinz. I feel like I never did enough, now that you're gone. I'm filled with guilt and regret. I wish I had called more or visited more. My heart is broken and I'll never be the same again.

Love you forever.

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