December 30, 2018

Yesterday was better. Today had a few hiccups.

A friend of mine from my video games has been a bit grouchy and pissy over my decisions on how I spend my time lately. Truth be told, I've isolated myself slightly from my usual friends because my moods have been so mercurial, I don't want to expose them to my temper or my crying fits or anything like that. When I need to, I reach out.

This friend and I are very close and I realize he wants us to do things together but I just don't want to be social lately. He admits to making "half-joking" remarks about avoiding doing things with him and I kind of lost it. I don't like feeling guilted into spending time with someone and while he might not realize it, that's exactly how he makes me feel.

It's beginning to feel a bit too high maintenance and I'm not certain how to handle it.

On a totally different note, a close family member who believes herself to be sensitive in some ways says that Dad is trying to communicate with me in my dreams. She says that he can't do it if I use sleep aids. I'm skeptical about this but, well...hope springs eternal so I'm not rejecting it completely.

She says it will take him a while because he's learning how to do it. Coincidentally, a co-worker of mine recently gave me some chakra stones. I read up on their uses and some of them are aligned to the third eye and to spiritual connection. One is also aligned to love, compassion and healing. I used to be very interested in this sort of stuff and Dad actually bought me a book on it when I was a teenager. I figured it couldn't hurt so--despite being a skeptic--I positioned those three stones on their chakra positions while lying in bed tonight.

I lose nothing if nothing happens. They were a thoughtful gift from someone who believes in this stuff. It's not hurting anyone for me to use them for what they're meant to do.

It's 1:37 a.m. and I'd like to be sleeping right now. It hasn't been easy. I rarely get tired at a decent hour, these days. That's why I was using sleep aids.

Ah, well.

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