January 1, 2019

I made it to midnight but it breaks my heart that I'm not able to call Dad and wish him Happy New Year.

His phone service has been disconnected so I can't call and listen to his voicemail message anymore. It sucks.

I want to include something in this post. I wrote a eulogy for Dad's funeral and I wanted to include it here so it doesn't get buried in my Google Docs.

Whenever I considered losing a parent, it was a thought I would always push aside, telling myself it's too soon to think about such things, that there was still plenty of time. Inviting the mere idea of losing one of my parents felt like I was jinxing them.

I was not prepared to lose my Dad. The concept of not being able to give him a call or send him a message is one that hasn't fully sunk in. I open my eyes in the morning and the disbelief is there.

As before, I push those thoughts aside and replace them instead with memories of Dad when we were happy.

The summer of 2011 instantly comes to mind. It had been a very difficult time for me with a heartbreaking divorce and I felt lost, but I spent several months with Dad during his last year camping in Restoule. After having spent a decade in California, I was finally able to reconnect with my Dad. It was such a healing process for me to be in a place where I spent the summers of my childhood and Dad offered me so many distractions. We went fishing very often, went on hikes and bonded as we hadn't had a chance to ever before.

I also got the worst farmer's tan of my life...it took me about two years to lose it but I was rather fond of it because of that summer.

Dad was my Daddykinz. He and I shared a sense of humour and similar stories of heartache. I never questioned how much he loved me or my sisters. He loved us each in his own special way and when people speak to us about him, they always tell us how proud of us he was.

Your stories, memories, and words over the past few days have bridged a gap that has helped bring us even closer to Dad. For this, my sisters, their families and I thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.

Dearest Daddykinz, you're still very much with us and you will always, always remain in our hearts and in the eyes of your daughters, their children and their children's children. You are forever a part of us all and we are able to keep you with us now and for always.

Thank you.

And now I sleep.