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Showing posts from January, 2019

January 27, 2019

This week has been rough. I'm so angry at so many things. Work is hard. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be around people. I want my Mom all the time. I hate how angry I become, sometimes. A friend of mine in particular just manages to rile me up so often lately. I don't know how to tell him that I'm not interested in his problems and I have a hard time caring about anything. I just want to sleep.

January 9, 2019

I want to call my Dad right now. I want to hear his voice so badly. I finally had a dream about him, two nights ago. I saw him and it felt like my dream paused just so I could talk to him. I told him there must have been a mistake and we buried another guy instead of him, because he was there with me. For some reason, it was a big joke and we laughed over it I told him how much I missed him. He didn't say much. But I could feel his love around me. I miss him so goddamn much. I wish I'd said it more or shown him more. This is hurting so much. It still feels so surreal. I can't believe it sometimes. I'm in shock and stunned. I just want my Dad back, so much.

January 2, 2019

Today was okay but then it was bad. I went back to work after the holidays (not counting the one-hour stops I did on regular business days). It went fine. My co-workers are pretty good. They sent me flowers for Dad's funeral. It got me all choked up that they did. They're good people. While at the office, my oldest sister sent a picture of a locket that said "Daddy's Girl: I used to be his angel, now he's mine." I lost it. I'm still losing it at intervals. I want my Dad back.  I miss him so much. My Daddykinz. I love him so much, I can't stand this emptiness in my life. When he passed, I messaged my nephew (by marriage) and asked him to let my ex know. He asked for my email address so my ex could reach out to me. I want to save it here. Hiya,      I just heard about your Dad and I am so, so sorry.  I can’t imagine how it feels when a person loses a parent.  It feels like the whole world and the day to day nonsense should stop, but it never d...