July 25, 2019

Dear Dad,

I know I haven't written in a while. It feels like I'm still trying to figure stuff out. I don't know what I want out of life anymore. I have no real goals and no savings. It sucks.

We said goodbye to you a few weeks ago. I'm sure you were with us in Restoule, where we put you to rest. It's hard to believe all of you was that bag of powder. It felt so surreal. I'm still feeling numb over it.

I've finally got a family doctor, Daddykins. I hope things start getting better. I'm tired of living with this sadness. It's awful.

Randy is going to have your truck. I'm a bit sad about this but I can't do much about it. I still have a lot of your things though and it feels good knowing they were yours. I just wish that it I could have you back instead.

I just watched a documentary I think you might have enjoyed, about the last czar of Russia. I wish we could talk about it.

I miss your voice, Daddykins. Your jokes and your laugh. Your funny uses of French speckled through English. I'm so sorry I didn't spend more time with you. I'm a sick person but I didn't love you any less. I hope, wherever you are, that you can feel my love for you and forgive me for not having been there more often.

I love you so much, Dad. I miss you every day.

~Chrissy

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