My Grief Journal

Dear Dad, I hope what I did today is going to help. Medical leave might give me the time to strengthen myself up again. I just want to be able to do stuff again without it being a struggle. I hurt everywhere. I don't know why, but it sucks. My arms ache, my neck hurts, my legs too. I just don't want to be in pain anymore. I really hope counseling gets me results. I've put it off too long. I talked a long time with my Mario tonight. He's such a funny guy. I miss him a lot but talking to him felt good. He's going to Europe for a few weeks and I hope he really enjoys himself! I need to sleep now. Today was rough and I'm exhausted. I'm going to try to keep my sleep schedule even though. Goodnight, Daddy. I love you so much and I miss you. ~Chrissy

Dear Dad, I'm not sure how I'm doing, lately. I feel motivated on some days but then that goes away and I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I'm frustrated with the situation at your camping spot. I wish we could stay there forever and never have to worry about moving your stuff. I never thought we'd ever have to go through this. I can still hear your voice in my head and see you laughing and smiling. This is so very hard. Every time I see a "Remember Adam" sign, I want to call you and laugh over it but i can't. I miss you so much, my Daddykins. I still can't bring myself to checking out your computer or putting away your travel mugs. I feel frozen, or in a place where the slightest change in my surroundings takes away from you. I wish I could go back and he with you more. Tell my anxiety to fuck off, I need to spend time with my Dad. I wish I had done more with you. I never got to show you my PS4 on your huge TV or gone to Manitoulin one mo...

Dear Dad, I feel a lot less stressed now that the spring expo is over and done with. I wish you could have come and seen it, even though I was sick as Hell. I'm still so happy I won those Husqvarna suspenders in the silent auction last year. You seemed to enjoy them. I've got some stupid business going on with Kane. He's being a stubborn jerk and I've lost my patience with him. Losing you changed me, I'm not the same person I was. Learning to be this person who doesn't have you in their life anymore is pretty devastating. I feel the emptiness and it's so sharp around your things. I go see your truck now and then and I just want to climb into the passenger seat to go off on an adventure with you. No guy could ever replace you, Daddykins. I'll always be your fishing buddy. We had the best stories and I'm so glad you got to come see me in California. I'm sorry we never made it to Norway but I think you understand my reasons for breaking up with th...